Friendship.

So I am doing two of my fave things right now. Listening to my new Demi Lovato CD&eating blueberries. Theyre my addiction. Some people are addicted to drugs, such as heroine&pot, but not me. Im addicted to blueberries, which are much better for you than drugs, so HA! Next time, you have the need for a buzz, eat a blueberry(unless youre allergic). Lmao, whos allergic to blueberries. My friend, Shanany, is convinced she is allergic to cheesecake. She throws up every single time she eats it. So she says. Tonight, was pretty interesting. Let me fill you all in. So, my friend&I have been fighting for the past three nights&tonight we finally had it. As of right now, we are no longer friends. A girl I have known since I was five&grew up is now gone because I am an idiot. I am pretty good at ruining great things in my life. I overreact&then feel like a total idiot about what I just did. Thats what happened today. Now, I am not completely at fault for this. I may have been a bit bitchy about the whole Matt thing&blown it out of proportion, but she betrayed me. She almost ruined my friendship with someone else&if we are ever friends again, I do not know if I will ever be able to trust her. I am taking all of this better than I expected. I mean, I just lost one of the closest people to me. I have other best friends&theyre amazing, but they do not have the past&memories that Caitlin&I share. My other friends&I share our own memories&I would still be upset if I lost one of them, but Caitlin was kinda my solid. Shes the one who I could count on for whatever, NO mattter what. Shes been throught EVERYTHING with me. Now, I have to pretend like I am okay even though I lost one of the closest people to me. This is quite deep for me, yes I know. But, not trying to sound cliche or overdramatic, she was like a sister to me. Yeah, we had our differences&some days I wanted to strangle her, but she was my constant. HAHA. I am making way too big a deal outta this. She prolly does not even care. Shes prolly happy with Matt&when they break up shell try coming back to me. Wait, did I say break up? They are not even going out yet, my badd. Haha, its funny I thought that Caitlin would be one of those friends who I was friends with forever. Like, the kind you see on tevee, where theyve been friends since they were little&grew up together, but I guess not, huh? I don't want sympathy, or for anyone to feel bad because this is my fault&I know it. I just want my best friend back. Haha, I am soo pathetic. I sound like one of those lame girls on tevee, who are wayy too dramatic. I am always too over dramatic. Thats why I am in this mess. I do not know if our friendship is completely over&I really hope not. She said we needed time apart&I actually typed the same exact thing, but did not have the balls to say it because I didnt want to chance loosing her for good. Haha, want to know whats kinda funny? I can name about ten other people I used to be 'best friends' with, but then suddenly we werent. Like I used to go through these so called things as 'best friends' like I go through blueberries. Lets see thurr was: Gina, Jenn, Erica,& prolly a couple more. But Caitlin, she was a constant. She was a true best friend. I really hope that Jaimie&Alyssa are not like Erica&Jenn. I do not want them to be just another friendship that gets thrown away like yesterday. I never realized how important friendship was til today. Its sacred. It can be easily broken&once its broken sometimes it can never be fixed. As the saying goes: You don't know what you got til it's gone. Aiight, well I am done being an overdramatic loserr. :] For anyone who finished this... Thank yah. Cause I probably won't even be able to finish re-reading this. That's how lame it is. :]

-- Mandak, the pathetic.